It seems that there are four basic ways of responding to people telling us about good events in their lives. The following table is lifted from “Flourish”
Good news example: I got a promotion and a raise at work!
| Active | Passive | |
| Constructive | “That’s great! I’m so proud of you. I know how important that was to you. Where were you when your boss told you? What did he say? How did you react?” [non-verbal: eye contact, smiling, displays of positive emotion] | “That’s good news, you deserve it” [non-verbal: little or no active emotional expression] |
| Destructive | “That sounds like a lot of responsibility to take on. Are you going to be spending more time away from home now?” [non-verbal: furrowed brow, frowning, displays of negative emotions] | “What’s for dinner?” [non-verbal: little to no eye contact, turning away, leaving the room] |
Perhaps not surprisingly, Active-Constructive is the winner. It looks obvious but I certainly need to be more careful I do it with students, especially at registration. Then often I’ll be passive constructive, thanks to the general distractions of the morning. Seligman has an exercise I’ll try (and see if I can persuade other teachers to try) that helps you ingrain the habit. It’s a simple log. You listen out for pieces of good news and you log the following:
Other’s Event:
My Response:
Other’s Response to me:
One questions I suppose is whether this still delivers the authentic happiness shot in the arm if the response is delayed. What if you say, “that’s great news, I’ll come and find you later to find out more when I have a little more time”